“Grace abounds in contemporary movies, books, novels, films, and music. If God is not in the whirlwind, He may be in a Woody Allen film or a Bruce Springsteen concert. Most people understand imagery and symbol better than doctrine and dogma. Images touch hearts and awaken imaginations. One theologian suggested that Springsteen’s “Tunnel of Love” album, in which he symbolically sings of sin, death, despair, and redemption, is more important for Catholics than the Pope’s last visit when he spoke of morality only in doctrinal propositions. Troubadours have always been more important and influential than theologians and bishops.”
— Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel
10:11 am • 24 May 2012
I have extremely high standards for myself. Standards that occasionally motivate me, but usually end up enslaving me. My standards, hopes, anticipations of accomplishments are often what get me out of bed in the morning. In my early minutes of consciousness, my mind builds a list of everything it expects my body to perform its allowed time. Reality does not occur to me; regardless of how daunting, my will is set.
Standards, in my world, are determined by both quantity and quality. Quantity says, “do all of this.” Quality comes from “do it this way.” Spontaneous goals get set because I want to be a certain way, different than now. At the mere glimpse of someone else’s glory, I have something else to do because their glory has to become mine. My wandering eyes find someone who can manage one of these things I want, and immediately I will begin assessing how I can go about attaining it.
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I want to eat less than I do, drink less caffeine, consume less alcohol, cut out animal products. I want to read dozens of books but do not, pay attention in class but can’t, stay on task as a professional but get distracted, save more money but lose it.
I
fail
fail
fail.
I try every day, every hour, every minute, far beyond the point of rationality. Therefore defeat, anger, resentment at what prevents my will being done will not go away. My reflection contains the invisible words
NOT ENOUGH.
NOT YET…
giving me the power to change it, “someday it will be different.”
Something is terribly wrong. This is my rebellion against my own knowledge of truth. I am dissatisfied that I have missed a mark, have not accepted that this has always and will always remain true.
I have been told that I have missed the mark and I can quit trying.
6:52 pm • 13 May 2012
“I used to have a lot of clear ideas about writing, but as time has gone on I’ve had to acknowledge the difference between my ideas about it and reality. What actually occurs when I write has no form or principle. I do not know what’s going to happen or how it will happen, and most of the time I am either happily or unhappily surprised by what is going on as opposed to being in charge of it.”
— David Guterson
How I Write The Secret Lives of Authors
6:47 pm • 13 May 2012
